.Chapter 02
The feeling of freefall was apparent. But so was the pain. The sharp wind buffeted my skin, like rushing through a field of blades. But the end was nowhere to be found. Then in an instant, I see the base of the pillars upon my awakening, only to be greeted by a heavy force flattening me into the ground.
“Man is less good than he imagines himself out to be.”
The pain I felt was unbearable, and I tried to hold on to the fleeting feeling given by my previous acquaintance to ease the anxiety and stress I was in return. I could not understand what stood before me. Pitch black nothingness and a new pair of eyes glaring back at me through the spectrum of light that I was not accustomed to. Despair filled my heart and fear blinded my vision. I was immobile and helpless. Will this be the end of it all? To vanish and be consumed by the void of nothingness and into an inconsequential reality where I cease to be and to desire anything?
The pain one feels upon realisation of despair is that of a slow burn. Although familiarity is strong, as the pain resonates throughout my memories, it still feels as if I was living in it at the moment. As the pain burns so does the rage. I wanted to be in control of my own, to have the fears of helplessness locked up beyond the doors of self-sustenance and to bask in my own victory, never wanting to go down in my own grave. But, that is not what fate preordained. Does it really exist? I didn’t care nor did I want to feel helpless once again. I believe I had the confidence and abilities to best the situation at hand. After all, I made it here alone, didn’t I? Then I will power through it again.
“Leave behind every ounce of dependence and soldier on, for the life of the wanderer is a journey through pain and solitude beyond belief. Overcome it, and you shall once again find yourself in darkness.”
I opened my eyes to the darkness again, only this time to be pursued by horrors that spawned from my own thoughts and fears. It materialised as shockwaves of helplessness and anguish, followed by primal rage. Even though I could endure it for the moment, I knew I had to get away. My feet took me away from it all and into more comfortable clearings. Memories of my past experience and journey at hand were well felt, and I basked in the moment. For the brief moments that I found safety, I quickly felt anxiety creeping in and the horrors of me inching closer. I saw my shadow slowly taking form and mocking me, what shall one do once they are faced with their greatest adversary, the self?
I thought about the words spoken to me and marched onwards towards the source of the pain. Invisible hands clawed at me at every moment’s notice as if to get me away from my struggles. No! I feared for my existence at that instant. Try as I may, but sheer willpower alone might not be enough. My steps were heavy and my vision blurred, all while a voice emerged from the darkness.
“Darkness envelops, crumbling willpower bests the individual. Will you cease your fight, struggler?”
I couldn’t find the strength to hold on and I felt my grip on reality crumble, did all the pain I had endure was all for nothing? I was sinking again, this time slowly and I caught myself still trying to grasp my way back, anything to grab a hold of the world that rejected me. Where did I go wrong?
“Perhaps the greatest adversary to oneself lies beyond the scope of their dominion. It is through the struggles can one finally overcome it. Persevere, and so your efforts will never betray you.”
I know from that moment that I had no one else but me to look into and trust. The belief that victory is within my grasp were long gone. But there lies my slow feeling of contempt as I fade into the everlasting dark below...
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